Fishes in the Sea

When they say that life is not a to do list.
I mean, when we are being pre occupied by our job and office related work,
sometimes we're just letting life passing us by.

nothing special, just day another day.
days filled with so many tasks to be done.
sometimes we're overwhelmed,
sometimes we get stressed,
but sometimes, we're glad that those tasks are being done one by one.

I mean, look at this piled up never ending task we are obligated to finish,
while life itself is an never ending process,
its a daily routine,
its becoming how we operate in life.

Maybe I'm just tired,
like most of the times,
I feel like I don't even get the chance to connect with my self.
It's been a while, right.

Maybe it's the hormone,
or maybe I'm just sad.
Or maybe, every time I feel this kind of despair,
and I try to connect to myself, to find out,
to let myself feeling this kind of feeling properly,
so then we can let go.

But sometimes,
it doesn't get easier.
Sometimes we tried to meditate,
tried to empty this mind full of thoughts.
And when its quite for a second,
It's serene, it's quiet, it's peaceful.

But sometimes,
the heaviness inside our chest,
just lifted off just for seconds.
We thought we're healed,
We thought, oh we have over come this our anxiety.
But is it the anxiety we are feeling right now?

I thought after the burden was off for a second,
I can just close my eyes and sleep.
Let myself disappear from this world, for a moment.

But then it came back,
feels weird enough I feel myself suffocate.

I wanna go,
Somewhere I can feel like home.
But then again, who knows.

Tried my best to just pouring it out loud,
but seems like those old ability is kind of off right now.
As we're adult tend not to let our feelings get into the surface.
As how we are all, trying our life just to exist and live for day to day.

I miss you,
I miss us,
I miss the fall season,
Where it started to went monochrome,
Where all the dead leaves were on the ground,
We're missing the sunset, we're loving the breeze,
Even if it started to get cold.