September Letter

━ a letter to whom it may concern

Dear you,

I don't know what's gotten into you, but i feel like crying. that i've been having so many thoughts and emotions i keep only for myself. relationships are scary, the future is indeed scary. i just wanna say thank you for myself for bearing it up and keeping it up until this very year, to the long 26 year being able to stand strong to every storm that comes. the trauma you've experienced is never your fault, and absolutely does not mean that you are not lovable, no matter what your brain tries to tell you. and i want you to remember it, and keep reminding it to yourself, every time you loose your power, i want you to keep your chin up even when its heavy, to remember nothing of this downfall is ever your fault. i hope you are always healthy and okay.

Dear you,

my future lover, the one i keep looking to have a long term journey with. thank you for staying until this far even when it feels like we're still on the surface. even that most times i don't feel like you've loved me enough and understand me enough, but when i tried to cut my layers and put it into words you still try your best to listen and manage to understand what i'm feeling, even that sometimes it feels sucks, and i feel miserable for being such a grumpy and hard to love person for you, im sorry. thank you for the silly jokes and the extra patience, i know you get tired and loose your patience some times, but finally i came up with words, that sometimes i dont need you to cheer me up and entertain me when im sad, that i need you to only understand, and being with your company is already enough for me. sorry for the confusion, and thank you for the effort, i know and really appreciate it when you're trying your way out. 

Dear you, 

i dont know why the future feels so scary to me, to us. to many more demanding and stress we have to face. to many future downfall, to many whys with no answer. to many little happiness, and true pleasure in life. to many authentic feelings and future hopes. i hope we stay still even that the simple life we try to aim seem like almost impossible. i hope you will never get tired of me, and i will never get tired of you. even when the days feel hard, and the night feels too long. and to your arms that always feels warm like home i can go back to every time. i hope we stay long - to me, to you, to us.

to a feeling, a person, that feels like home.