When Things Won't Go My Way

Took some time off yesterday even though everyday is a time off for me now. But at least, that time when I could free my mind from all those anxiety and feeling of unworthiness. Its weird how we fall deep in love with someone that we found ourselves drown too deep, we lost ourselves. Padahal ya, we are enough as a person, within our own selves, within our own skin, our own flaws and imperfection. We are always enough of a person. Its just somehow I've been drowning too deep in thoughts of how someone just left me behind without any explanation I thought I deserve. Its just, when we give it all, when we give too much, sometimes we don't realize that we started to have expectation towards that someone. And that is kind of what makes us hurt, when our expectation kills us.

Padahal lagi kan ya, sebenernya bukan berharap juga sih. I feel like I have lowered my expectation towards this someone, to keep it as minimum as I could ever having expectation towards any other human. Even though I didn't expect him to treat me like a queen, but at least just treat me like any other ordinary human, please? I have feelings too. Sometimes I worried myself to death when he went missing because I thought he might be sick and suddenly be dead. Turned out he did, but having me worried about him had never even crossed his mind. It sickens me even more when he canceled plans over same dumb excuses.

I keep my hope towards him the most bare minimum but still it will never be enough. I just hope maybe someday you will eventually meet someone you deserve. I thought I might be having the patience, but on the other side, he doesn't even think of me the way I think of him. Enough of those clear sign, I eventually gather my strength and decided to let it pass. Its not my lost, anyway.

Its just another, when things won't go my way, right?

I tried to hold on the best I could, but if the feeling was not even mutual, then why should I hold on. Enough wasting my time, waiting and worrying about stuff that doesn't even bother to think about me even just a bit. It saddens me at first, but then, what can I do, right? I hope this made our heart bigger, every time.

Thank you for these two months,

And thank you for showing me that there are people like you

as weird as you, as those thoughts you have shared with me.

Thank you, though.

Hope you're doing well out there. :)

Peach Tree Rascals - Things Won't Go My Way

Cheers, Ela.