Its been forever since I had it in me.
Maybe first, here a song to accompany us, while scrolling down this part of my life story.
I know its not really good to share all my problems and sorrow online since I started to have many enemies. But whatever, I mean its a good muse for a writing -- a broken heart. I mean its good, it does feel really good to be back here again, to be sad again, and to pour my feelings away as if my blog page is the only thing that's keeping me sane since last year. Too bad, not everybody got time to pour their feelings away, not everybody got spare times as we were getting older yet busier every single time. Too bad, being an adult does also mean to swallow your sorrow and never let anybody knows about it. Too bad, being an adult means, its not okay to be hurt and broken-hearted, as if we're never human after all.
I know that life could be dramatic sometimes, but sure we never expect something so bitter could actually happen in our lives since I feel like my life's already bitter enough. I always thought that maybe I've had too many bitter phase in my life already, that from now on, only the pleasant one remains. Too bad life plays its roles - that indeed "Good things do fall apart."
I have never been so lucky with what my love life has to offer me. Too bad that I had to hurt so bad this time, like the worst in any mankind has to go through.
Its been a roller-coaster, a pleasant and joyful one, yet teary and hurtful one. To be trapped in a relationship that its every moment you cherished the most deep in your heart, yet every goodbyes were the hardest. That too bad, it already comes to an end, eventually, no matter how hard you tried -- you both tried, our stories somehow didn't meant to be. Only if all wishes do come true, too bad life doesn't happen that way.
So much emotion bursting out, yet it came out nothing. Its not that I'm speechless, its just too many feelings to feel at a time, I'm not sure how to name it. Its breaking yet toughing me up. You know, its like; life already hit you hard, you don't hurt anymore. You don't even stumble and fall too long, you know your value, you know how to get back on your knee and you know how to be treated properly.
Even though its still hard sometimes, those moments and person who comes crossing your mind out of the blue. That sudden emotion that grief you, yet you know you just gotta let a moment or two pass - that you don't have to be stuck, that you just gotta, you know - pass this through? That all this phase of life shall pass, that I just gotta... stay through?
I have enough people to tell me what should I do. The fact that we all know what we should do, but not doing it anyway, its just because it's not that easy. Never as easy as you people told us. To get over each other and move on with our lives. Guess its never been that easy.
If love is what something God has created, why does it has to be hard and hurtful to us, human.
If this for what it is forbidden, why God still let this feeling come again and again.
If we were never meant to be why God never help us to end it anyway.
That in many cases, that finally it comes to an end. If actually this was the answer to a prayer. A prayer which I hope the answer was the one I wanted it to be. The one thing I prayed the most and the sincerest. In hope, do we all lose. In hope, the one thing that strengthen us, yet it weaken us the most. That in many cases, hope and expectation is what kills us the most, among all the matters in the world.
To a hope I wish I had never prayed.
Sometimes I wish we had it longer,
To sometimes that I wished maybe we could,
if we fight harder.
Too bad you don't want to.
To a dream I've never remember having,
Thank you for everything.
In the end,
Grief and gratitude that bring us here.
To my wishful thinking,
I wish we had another,
In hope for a better tomorrow,
Instead of a better life.
In myself I lost,
In you I found my lost piece.
Too bad my lost piece was another's
Saddening to wish i was mine in the first place.
To my first, somebody would call boyfriend,
I thank you enough.
I loved you once,
and wish to love you still,
even that it hurts
I wish this wishful thinking would stop
Too bad,
sometimes,
good things fall apart.
To our,
--Last goodbye.
I know its not really good to share all my problems and sorrow online since I started to have many enemies. But whatever, I mean its a good muse for a writing -- a broken heart. I mean its good, it does feel really good to be back here again, to be sad again, and to pour my feelings away as if my blog page is the only thing that's keeping me sane since last year. Too bad, not everybody got time to pour their feelings away, not everybody got spare times as we were getting older yet busier every single time. Too bad, being an adult does also mean to swallow your sorrow and never let anybody knows about it. Too bad, being an adult means, its not okay to be hurt and broken-hearted, as if we're never human after all.
I know that life could be dramatic sometimes, but sure we never expect something so bitter could actually happen in our lives since I feel like my life's already bitter enough. I always thought that maybe I've had too many bitter phase in my life already, that from now on, only the pleasant one remains. Too bad life plays its roles - that indeed "Good things do fall apart."
I have never been so lucky with what my love life has to offer me. Too bad that I had to hurt so bad this time, like the worst in any mankind has to go through.
Its been a roller-coaster, a pleasant and joyful one, yet teary and hurtful one. To be trapped in a relationship that its every moment you cherished the most deep in your heart, yet every goodbyes were the hardest. That too bad, it already comes to an end, eventually, no matter how hard you tried -- you both tried, our stories somehow didn't meant to be. Only if all wishes do come true, too bad life doesn't happen that way.
So much emotion bursting out, yet it came out nothing. Its not that I'm speechless, its just too many feelings to feel at a time, I'm not sure how to name it. Its breaking yet toughing me up. You know, its like; life already hit you hard, you don't hurt anymore. You don't even stumble and fall too long, you know your value, you know how to get back on your knee and you know how to be treated properly.
Even though its still hard sometimes, those moments and person who comes crossing your mind out of the blue. That sudden emotion that grief you, yet you know you just gotta let a moment or two pass - that you don't have to be stuck, that you just gotta, you know - pass this through? That all this phase of life shall pass, that I just gotta... stay through?
I have enough people to tell me what should I do. The fact that we all know what we should do, but not doing it anyway, its just because it's not that easy. Never as easy as you people told us. To get over each other and move on with our lives. Guess its never been that easy.
If love is what something God has created, why does it has to be hard and hurtful to us, human.
If this for what it is forbidden, why God still let this feeling come again and again.
If we were never meant to be why God never help us to end it anyway.
That in many cases, that finally it comes to an end. If actually this was the answer to a prayer. A prayer which I hope the answer was the one I wanted it to be. The one thing I prayed the most and the sincerest. In hope, do we all lose. In hope, the one thing that strengthen us, yet it weaken us the most. That in many cases, hope and expectation is what kills us the most, among all the matters in the world.
To a hope I wish I had never prayed.
Sometimes I wish we had it longer,
To sometimes that I wished maybe we could,
if we fight harder.
Too bad you don't want to.
To a dream I've never remember having,
Thank you for everything.
In the end,
Grief and gratitude that bring us here.
To my wishful thinking,
I wish we had another,
In hope for a better tomorrow,
Instead of a better life.
In myself I lost,
In you I found my lost piece.
Too bad my lost piece was another's
Saddening to wish i was mine in the first place.
To my first, somebody would call boyfriend,
I thank you enough.
I loved you once,
and wish to love you still,
even that it hurts
I wish this wishful thinking would stop
Too bad,
sometimes,
good things fall apart.
To our,
--Last goodbye.
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